i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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