she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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