If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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