One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
