I CAN MOONWALK!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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