she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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