I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
