the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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