remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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