And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
