i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
