Moan for me like Helen Keller
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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