Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
