i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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