I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You're breaking my sexual little heart
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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