At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
