Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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