i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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