I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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