You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
