You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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