haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I believe in your delicious
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
