But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
