But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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