he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
