Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
