you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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