I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
