i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
