I got chris browned last night
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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