Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
