I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
