I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
