I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
