this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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