After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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