finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
