i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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