I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
