I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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