It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
