She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
