Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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