please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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