Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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