He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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