so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
