my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
