so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
