I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
