Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
